Funeral
by Happiness's Deceit
Summary: I wanted him to die for trying to make me live again. Koumyou Sanzo's Funeral, from Konzen's point of view.


_Saiyuki does not belong to me, but to its respective publishers and creators._

* * *

"_**I beg of you—please make me feel alive."**_

* * *

It was raining during the funeral.

It was a heavy, dark and angry rain; it was rain that tore through one's soul. Black rain that was fitting for the occasion—Konzen thought morbidly that the gods _should_ be mourning the loss of such a great man. He couldn't breathe—he couldn't even watch when they buried the body.

He was thirteen years old. He was younger than he should have been—he was a child, who was out of place in the crowd of black-robed men around him. The men would never understand him; no, they couldn't understand his pure fury. Konzen refused to believe that they could. Not they who wore black to the funeral.

Konzen watched the rain aimlessly, shoulders soaked. The whiteness of the cloth grew darker in the rain, a gray that seemed like the purity of his world was being stained by this dark rain. He knew what he must have looked like, through the disapproving eyes of others.

He was short, shorter than all the others, and just as conspicuous. His hair was bright gold, the color that Koumyou had had, but it was a color that brought eyes of disapproval to his side. He brushed a stray strand of hair out of his face self-consciously, and glared at those who began to come too close. They had umbrellas; he did not. But he wasn't so naïve to think that they had come to share their shelter with him. There was a good chance that word of his trust fund had become known to the public. It was useless to believe than anyone had good intentions for him. It was simply impossible.

Everyone was out to serve themselves. They would never take in another except to benefit the only thing they really cared about. Koumyou was the only exception to that rule. He was the only one who cared about the others. He was the only one—

He had to be.

Koumyou was the only one who cared enough to take him away from that place. So all the other adults in the world were rotten to the core; no one was even able to take the effort to look into that place the way _he_ had. A gentle hand placed itself on his shoulder, and he looked up at the wrinkled face of Koumyou's oldest friend.

"You shouldn't wear white to a funeral."

Konzen could have laughed. But this was a solemn occasion, and his (foster) father was dead. So instead, he simply said, "White is the color of truth."

"Or of death, Konzen." The old man retorted.

"I don't care what others think."

_But you do_. The man's eyes read this, but he didn't allow the thought to manifest into words. "I have something for you. It seems that—" Here he pulled out a single, white envelope, the color of Konzen's robe. "—Koumyou intended to adopt you. And it went through."

The envelope was held out to him. Konzen stared at the slip, and watched it as the water stained its pristine surface. It must have been a dream. It must have. He couldn't have—he couldn't have possibly even…

Further proof that Koumyou was the only one in this world who cared.

Konzen snatched the paper, and tore it open. He looked over it, once, twice, and then let it flutter to the ground. He was dead, but he had left the gift of life. The paper crinkled, and the older man knelt and lifted it.

"Now, Konzen, you should take better care of this." His eyes scanned the paper experimentally. "I see that you're to take on his name. That's good— Sanzo is a strong name. A strong name, indeed. Many wise people have come out of that name."

"Genjyo Sanzo."

"Do you want this name? If you do not wish to have it, you could always rip this paper up, Konzen Douji."

"I wished for it, you know. I wished for this to happen."

The man smiled gravely. "You did not mean it."

"I did. I wanted him to die." _I wanted him to die for trying to make me live again_.

* * *

**This was written over a year ago, please forgive the obvious discrepancies. **

**Thank you for reading! **


End file.
